I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have sat down to write something for Choosing Holiness and then been overwhelmed by my unworthiness to write on this topic. I'm not holy. But I want to be. Badly. I'm pursuing it. I'd like to say that I'm choosing it, every chance I get, but there are times when faced with the choice, I go with sin, instead. I don't want to. God help me.
Here's the thing. If I let my sin and imperfection paralyze me on this, I'll have missed the whole point of why I started this blog in the first place. I didn't name it "CHOOSING Holiness" because it was something I did once and am an expert at. Nailed it. I'm holy, now. Ummm... no. I named it that because holiness is a moment by moment choice. By the grace of God, I hope I'm making the right choices. By His power, sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. God forgive me.
I don't want to be paralyzed about this. You need to understand me, if you're going to read this blog, though. I'm going to be real about what God's teaching me, and I may not always nail the dismount. What my heart cries out for you to hear may not always be what comes across in my words, and I'd like to ask for a little grace, if what you hear doesn't sound like love. I'm still learning that, too. There are things that God is working on in my life, in my heart, in my mind, and those things may not always be the things He's working on YOU about. He is an individual, personal God. That's why it's all about the RELATIONSHIP, rather than observing a religion. He knows that there are things that He's GOING to address in my life, but I have to deal with A, B, and C before He can address H, I, and J. Your alphabet may be in a different order. Your issues may be different than mine. Things I learn or have struggled through may not even be on your radar. It's okay. You don't have to be where I am.
What I ask is that you never take my understanding -- the individual, personal discipleship of one child of God -- and think that I am prescribing that as definitive for all believers of all time. God is teaching me a lot, and perhaps you can learn from that. Perhaps not. Always, always, always go to the Bible for the answers, not me. When I post on this blog (rather than my "personal" one), I will make every effort that the posts here are backed up thoroughly by scripture, wherever possible. If you take issue with something I have to say that is not backed up by scripture, feel free to let me know. If you take issue with the scripture, please take it up with a local pastor/mentor/disciple-builder in your community, or even better, take it up with God. If it bugs you, it may be something He wants you to address. I know that's how it usually works with me. (Smile.)
I'm going to attempt to abandon my non-personalized goals that I originally set for this blog. Originally, I meant for this to be more theological and studious, and leave the personal stuff on my other blog. (Then I remembered that just because I like theological and studious, that doesn't mean those things help in practical everyday life circumstances.) Life is messy. I'm messy. I don't have all the answers, and to try to write as though I understand truth the way God does would be false advertising. Yes, I understand some great things, based on what God has taught me over the years, but I'm simply not qualified to blog about holiness as if I'm there. I'll not let that paralyze me anymore.
Much love,
LL~
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